"Hated and Feared" Re-Watch: "Captive Hearts" & "Cold Vengeance"

 X-Men The Animated Series

If you are a comic book nerd, or any sort of nerd, you've probably seen the joke about Jean Grey fainting a lot in this show. I'm going to say, that is never something I noticed during my first watch through. It's probably because I am a blatant Jean Grey apologist and was willfully not looking for it or ignoring it. Well, I will be watching this time and I will say in this first episode, they do Jean a little dirty.

"Captive Hearts"

Jean Grey: "I have to go now. Cyclops is waiting for me."

Wolverine: "So am I."

Wolverine is still recuperating from his battle with Sabretooth and pining for Jean Grey. Scott and Jean have a romantic night out in the city but end up being captured by the Morlocks, mutants with physical deformities who live in the tunnels underneath New York City. It turns out their leader, Callisto, has a thing for Cyclops. A team of X-Men led by Storm, trying to overcome her claustrophobia, head to their rescue. When Storm challenges Callisto to single combat, everyone's fate are in her hands.

Clay is no match for my TK!

The X-Men are not just a superhero team, they are also a soap opera. The soap operatic aspects really came to the forefront during Chris Claremont's run on the team. These are a group of pretty attractive men and women who are basically sequestered alone in a mansion. It's not wonder that they are constantly horny for each other and there are any number of love triangles, pentagrams, hexagons, octagons etc. Another great thing about "X-Men" is that the show doesn't shy away from that, in fact, they really focus on it in the fifth episode.

Perhaps the most famous love triangle in X-Men history is the triangle between Scott, Logan and Jean. It did become a little tired, ok, a lot tired, after a few years, to the point where now in continuity they are in a poly triad for all intents and purposes. The show doesn't shy away from this soap operatic drama, instead it leans into it hard. Wolverine spends the majority of the episode moping around about Jean. He cuts a photo Scott. Makes whiny declarations within earshot. He even toys with the idea of killing Scott when he finds him in the Morlock tunnels. I didn't remember that and it is bananas. Does he really think that will win Jean over to his side? Luckily he can't bear to make Jean cry so Scott gets to live. 

Wolverine is oddly characterized in this issue. I don't know if they are deliberately trying to soften him by making him into a murderous, lovesick schoolboy, but I'm not sure if it does that? Also, they are really playing up this "brawl" between him and Sabretooth in the last issue. Was it really that bad? It didn't seem that bad. 

I love the Morlocks and I'm into them being introduced so early on. It's good to show that there are mutants who can't "pass" and that they are valid, even if they do sometimes kidnap people to try and force them into ruling their underground kingdom. It's also a way to organically bring and overcome Storm's claustrophobia which has been hinted at in previous episodes. Storm proves that she is a way better leader than Scott, challenging Callisto to a duel for Morlock leadership. Love that they had those light sabers just lying around and that Storm was somehow familiar with the customs of the Morlocks. 

A few negatives in this episode: Jean gets no respect. She is almost immediately knocked out of the Danger Room session and she is easily psychically manipulated by the granny Morlock. Though, she does hold Logan back with her TK, so that is nice. OK, so I guess one negative. 

Also, there was Gambit in a Speedo. They knew they had some future gays in the audience.

Grade: B+

"Cold Vengeance"

Sabretooth: "Revenge is a dish best served cold!"

[surprises Wolverine from behind by hitting him with a huge thrown chunk of ice.]

Wolverine: "Sabretooth! I should've smelled you comin'!"

Sabretooth: "You've lost it, pal! Ten years ago, I never could have gotten this close."

Wolverine: "I can still handle punks like you!"

Sabretooth: "Enough!"

[they begin a no-holds barred claw fight.]

Wolverine, upset that Jean won't love him back, has left the X-Mansion in a huff and headed back to Canada. He's ambushed by Sabretooth and has his ass handed to him again, in a laughably one-sided battle. Logan is saved by an Inuit tribe and is immediately taken in by elder, Pooyetah. Logan is a total show off in helping the village and it upsets young buck and previous tribe star, Kiyoek, who sells Wolvie out to Sabretooth. Meanwhile, back at the manse, Storm, Jubilee and Gambit head to the island nation of Genosha, which is supposedly welcoming mutants with open arms.

"Tourists"

I can't remember if I've mentioned this before and I'm too lazy to go back and re-read my past recaps, but I love the serialized nature of "X-Men." It's the first animated series I remember really being that way. Like, if you missed an episode, you are hosed. In this episode, there is a clear A story and B story. The A story is Wolverine and his new friends in the Great White North and the B story is the rest of the X-Men discussing and planning to investigate Genosha. This sort of thing is really normal in live action and more recent animation, but this was kind of groundbreaking for this time. This episode would be a bit of a slog if we were just with Wolverine the entire time, so it's nice to kind of have the break and set up that the B story provides.

I am not the biggest fan of this episode. The story with Wolverine and Sabretooth is so ridiculous. Wolverine really didn't realize that Sabretooth was following him this entire way? Or that Sabes was able to set up explosives in the exact spot that Wolverine was standing? It's not a shock that Wolverine would want to repay this tribe that saved his life but the "anything you can do, I can do better" thing with Logan and Kiyoek is a lot and pretty contrived. You can see it all coming. Kiyoek selling Logan out, Sabretooth burning down the village, Logan finally beating Sabretooth. It's nice that the tribe doesn't blame Wolverine for what happened and they take this as a sign that they need to move on. 

The B story is way more entertaining and the bulk of it is just the X-Men arguing with each other. Cyclops continues to be the worst. Having a full on, so bad Gambit almost quits argument because Gambit wants to potentially go on vacation? It just goes to show that Cyclops is a giant douchebag. Even Xavier says it more or less, immediately taking Gambit's side and heavily implying that Cyclops needs to take the baseball bat out of his ass and have some fun. I also love that the cover they come up for the Genosha team is "tourists." Groundbreaking. 

The episode ends on a nice cliffhanger with the people of Genosha not being mutant friendly what with the Sentinels and all. I'm shocked.

Grade: B-

Next we find out what is really going on in Genosha and nothing can stop the Juggernaut.

Is Wolverine being a mopey bitch? Are you into it? Was Gambit in a Speedo part of your sexual awakening? Is Cyclops the fucking worst? Let me know in the comments.