When the All-Stars Face Jersey Justice, a Beloved Queen May Be the Victim of a Hung Jury

RuPaul's Drag Race All-Stars, Episode 4: "Jersey Justice"

I just need to take this moment to say that autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR) is terrible. Just awful. Like, you really want to hear this in your ear before you go to sleep? Seriously? Why though? I was at a friends and they kept playing these videos over and over again and I thought, this would be my hell. Forced to listen to someone creepily whisper or scratch things in my ears for all of eternity. And then, my favorite show has the audacity to throw it in my face. I'm triggered. I am not here for it. No ma'am!

Whew. Well, if you made it through that first paragraph and are still here,  you're a trooper. God bless. Onto business. The queens enter the werk room after Gia's elimination and Manila explains that though she loves Gia, she was annoying as fuck and it was time for her to go. Solid. Trinity reveals that she also chose Gia and commends Manila for making the right decision and playing a fair game. To the rest of the queens, Manila is gracious but in her confessional, she is all fuck these bitches. Manila is going to make the best decision for herself and if they don't like it? She don't care. Oh Manila. I love you gal, but I'm afraid for you if/when you land in the bottom two.

Ru comes into the werk room and the queens do their obligatory fawning over whatever suit he is wearing that day. Do you think producers remind the queens to do that or they do it all on their own. Ru seems kind of annoyed while it is happening. Like, she knows she looks good. 

Ru let's the All-Stars know that they will be participating in an improv challenge that is also an homage to her favorite show. It's a courtroom reality show called Jersey Justice presided over by Plainfield, New Jersey's own, the not-so-honorable, Michelle Visage. With as much as Ru loves "Judge Judy," I'm kind of surprised the show hasn't had a challenge like this before now. The queens break into their own teams: Manila & Naomi, Trinity & Valentina and Latrice, Monét & Monique. Based on the queens interactions, it seems like the only team that doesn't really have anything to worry about is Manila & Naomi. Latrice is already getting frustrated that Monique & Monét are being loud, but come on. You need to be loud. Over-the-top. That's how this is going to get you a win. How does Latrice not know this? 

Valentina and Trinity are also struggling and it's mainly because Valentina is a whiny, entitled child. Seriously. She shuts down after something doesn't go right and her confessional about how hard she is on herself is so fucking grating. Bless Trinity. She is committed to doing whatever she needs to do to make sure they don't land in the bottom. Props to ya, mama.

Bitch fight.

First up is Manila and Naomi. In their case, Manila went to Naomi to look good for her high school reunion and ended up looking like a dog because Naomi ran a dog salon. They slay. I probably laughed the most watching theirs. Manila is dependable hilarious. Her poodle wig is a fantastic sight gag and she adds great little touches. The barking while she talks is great. Naomi is awesome too. Honestly, I've been a little underwhelmed by Naomi this season and I'm not sure why she's landed in the top so much. I feel like she's kind of been coasting on one big gag to save an otherwise mediocre performance i.e. her wig pull in the variety show and her faint as Wendy Williams. She slays in this. Her character is fully realized, she's funny and while she doesn't outshine Manila, she definitely keeps up with her and that is a feat in and of itself.

Next up is Latrice, Monique & Monét arguing the case of the disgruntled bride and the baker who defames her wedding cake. Monique is a revelation in this scene. She owns it. It belongs to her. She makes it her bitch. I feel a little bad for Monét and Latrice, but only a little bit. Latrice doesn't speak for what feels like forever and basically hands it over to Monique. I get not wanting to pull a Milk from AS3 and steamroll your scene partners, but you can not do that and be in the scene. Monét enters later in the scene and is funny at first, but once she starts telling that pointless story about meeting in high school. It's a wrap. Trinity is dead on when she says that Monique better pray they are judged as individuals. 

Last up is Valentina and Trinity who are arguing the case of a housewife who got duped by a Snooki impersonator. Trinity starts out shaky when she forgets her name at the onset and I'd say she never really recovers. Her Jersey accent is in and out. It's serviceable, but that's about it. Valentina also enters late and her costume and props really sell the whole thing more than any actual jokes she tells. 

Prior to the runway, everyone is oddly confident. No one thinks they will be in danger and that shocks me. Do you really have no self awareness? What's going on? How can Latrice in particular think that she's good? Trinity clearly thinks Latrice has something to worry about and tells her so. She's taken aback when Valentina informs her she would save Latrice if Trinity and Latrice ended up in the bottom. Why you acting brand new girl? This is your good friend. You don't know how she operates?

Cynthia Lee Fon-who?

On the runway, category is: Curves and Swerves for Your Nerves. The safe queens this week are Naomi, Trinity and Valentina. I love Naomi's look and for me, it's my favorite looks she's served so far this season. The '50's Housewife with the burnt pie is great. I love her smudged makeup. Yelling cherry pie ala season two on the runway. Classic. Naomi looks great padded. It is all very right. Valentina goes for a deconstructed drag look, where her pads are showing, pins and pincushions, a bald cap. I get where she is coming from. I get the reference. It just doesn't look like it fits the challenge. It also looks sloppy. That may be an odd critique, but I get that this should look sloppy, but it shouldn't actually be sloppy. Trinity is my favorite on the runway. I love this whole look. I love that scalloped hair. Maybe my favorite Trinity look ever.

Moo ah ah sensation.

Manila and Monique land in the top. That's not a huge surprise. I was a big fan of Manila's Rococo Chanel, pink quilted fantasy, down to the socks and bowed shoes. Lovely. Monique slays though. I am as sick of brown cow stunning as everyone else, but this look is everything. The proportions are amazing and weird. This is how you do brown cow stunning. From the orange hair, to the make up, to the dress and padding, Monique didn't come to play and I'm all about it. That being said, no more brown cow. If she makes it to the end, maybe an accent for the final runway, but time  to give it a rest. 

Monét and Latrice land in the bottom and not a huge surprise. Oh Latrice. That runway look. So, so boring. A plain, turquoise studded gown. No ma'am. I love that you cinched for the first time. No doubt you look beautiful, but how may times have we seen this? Look around? You think this is the way to win AS4? Sorry, no.

Kenya Kardashian

I'm digging Monét's runway look. Her homage to Kim Kardashian. From the front, it looks a little basic, but as soon as she turns around, BAM! It's comedy and I really, really enjoyed it. The pop bottle of champagne at the end is the icing on the cake.

Once Latrice and Monét are announced as the bottom, Manila breaks down. It's clear that she loves Latrice and she doesn't want to send her good friend home. Monique is the same for Monét and Latrice. No one wants to send Latrice home. I'm not sure if Latrice arguing that she is beloved is why she should stay. An argument could be made that all these queens are loved and that's why they are on All-Stars in the first place. Being beloved isn't a reason to not step your pussy up. I love Latrice, but she's done the worst out of the queens that have been left. She's never been in the top.

Valentina takes this moment to rail against guest judge, Erica Ash, who didn't love her runway look. This bitch. Seriously. What is wrong with you? Are you that self-involved and delusional? No one cares. No one is listening. It's just really gross and I'm glad that Monique shuts her right down.

It's pretty clear that Manila will choose Latrice to stay, but Monique is a little up in the air. You get the feeling that she'll choose Monét, but who knows? The lip sync song is a cover of "The Bitch Is Back" by Tina Turner, introduced by Sir Elton John in a video cameo. Both queens are serving their best Tina, but from the jump it's all about Monique. Monique has the hair, she's dancing, whipping around, which may be a cover for not knowing all the words. Manila is ok, but not as captivating as she might have been. She definitely throws up some Tina-isms, but all eyes are on Monique. Did Manila throw the lip sync so she could not have to make the decision? I don't know about that, but she was pretty emotional so maybe she didn't give her all? Monique wins and sends Latrice home and it's a surprise. I expected Latrice to do really well. I really wanted her to be the first big girl to win Drag Race. It seemed right. But sadly, Latrice didn't give her all.

Let's do some rankings!

6. Monét (Girl, loving these runways, but challenge consistency is key.)

5. Valentina (I wasn't impressed.)

4. Trinity (A little low this week, but that could change.)

3. Naomi (She is clearly a competitor.)

2. Monique (Deciding between two and one was tough.)

1. Manila (I gave it to Manila because she won two weeks in a row. The first queen this season to do that.)

And then there were six. Who is going to go home next? What does it mean that All-Stars rules are being suspended? What did you think of this episode? Let me know in the comments.