"foX-Men" Re-Watch: The New Mutants

 "The New Mutants" (2020)

We took a little break but we are back for what I initially thought was the final of the Fox X-Men movie, but it was recently announced that Hugh Jackman's Wolverine would be appearing in "Deadpool 3." "The New Mutants" had a super troubled production and came out during the height of the pandemic. So, it was a huge success! Just kidding. It bombed. 

Principal photography on "The New Mutants" began in July 2017 and ended in September 2017, with a projected release date of April 2018. Then, Disney bought 20th Century Fox and that release date just kept shifting. There were supposed to be re-shoots but those were cancelled and the film was completed as is in March 2020. The film stars Alice Braga as Dr. Cecelia Reyes, Adam Beach as William Lonestar, Blu Hunt as Danielle "Dani" Moonstar/Mirage, Anya Taylor-Joy as Illyana Rasputin/Magik, Maisie Williams as Rahne Sinclair/Wolfsbane, Henry Zaga as Roberto "Bobby" DaCosta/Sunspot and Charlie Heaton as Sam Guthrie/Cannonball. The film was written by Josh Boone and Knate Lee. It was directed by Josh Boone. "The New Mutants" premiered on August 28, 2020.

The New Mutants... I guess?

So, today was the first time that I have ever watched this movie. I had wanted to see it in the theater but then they decided to release it at the height of the pandemic pre-vaccination. I certainly wasn't going to get COVID for any movie, but this one? I would have been pissed. It was on HBO Max for a while but then right as I was getting ready to cover it, they took it off. I thought about buying it on blu-ray since I own all the other Fox X-Men movies on blu-ray, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Luckily, it hit Disney+ recently, so I figured it was time to do it. All I can say is, that not spending the money to own this movie was completely the right decision.

The entire time I was watching this movie, I couldn't help but wonder... had Josh Boone or Knate Lee ever read a "New Mutants" comic. It feels like someone wrote him a one sentence description of each character and he wrote them just like that. They are all as flat as cardboard cutouts. There is no depth to any of them. They are basically caricatures of some of the best characters in the X-Universe. I had to pause the movie multiple times because I was laughing at it so much.

This movie is filled with great actors like Anya Taylor-Joy, Maisie Williams and Charlie Heaton. Watching this movie, you'd think the only acting experience they had was in Hallmark Holiday Movies. I love Illyana Rasputin. She's probably my favorite New Mutant and they hate her in this movie. She's just awful for the majority of the movie. She's every mean girl cliche out there with some racism thrown in. She calls Native American "Pocahontas" and "Standing Rock" and says she's a bad Indian. Like... what? It probably would have been really funny to watch me watch this movie and see my facial expressions.

OK, this looks cool.

Charlie Heaton's Southern accent is atrocious. It sounds like his dialect coach was just watching YouTube videos of Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokel from "The Simpsons." Maisie Williams is so great as Arya Stark on "Game of Thrones," but so terrible in this movie. This was the film debut of Blu Hunt... good for her? I'm glad they cast a Native American as Dani, but I can't tell if she's just a bad actress, it's the bad script or both? Dani is the emotional center of the movie, and I don't think Hunt has the depth to carry that or convey it. It is unfortunate. I've never seen Henry Zaga in anything and I'm again, happy they cast a Brazilian actor as Berto. But, in the comics, 'Berto is a dark skinned Latino. I feel like that representation is not really happening and this would have been the perfect opportunity, but the film decided they didn't want to. 

I don't have a lot to say about Alice Braga's performance as Dr Cecelia Reyes, but I do have a lot to say about how her character was portrayed. I am a big fan of Cecelia Reyes. When I started reading comics again regularly back when I was a teenager, it was right after the "Operation: Zero Tolerance" arc where they introduced three new mutants to the team: Maggot, Marrow and Cecelia Reyes. Reyes is the consummate doctor. So, the way she is portrayed here is really an assassination of her character. I was so irritated watching her devolve into a mustache twirling villain spouting terrible metaphors during a monologue about how her mom was a vet and sometimes dogs had to be put down because that is what is best for them. Just, shut up. I'm hoping that at some point when the X-Men finally officially join the MCUt that she gets her due. In the meantime, Justice for Cecilia Reyes.

Prior to the release of "The New Mutants" there was a lot of talk about how this was going to be a horror movie disguised as an X-Men movie. And you know, I just don't see it. There are some scenes that feel like they are trying to come off as scary, but none of them really work. It's all just very cheesy and laughable. I'm a wuss when it comes to horror and I didn't even flinch once during these "scary" scenes, if that tells you anything.

The Gentlemen... er... the Smiling Men

I think part of the problem with this movie is that the cast has zero chemistry and it really hurts the movie as a whole. There are two "love stories" that are kind of shoe horned in to the film. The first is between Rahne and Dani. This one works... OK. The movie is 90 minutes so it's difficult to make something like really feel organic in that time, but they share enough intimate moments that it is somewhat believable. Sadly, the actors don't have a lot of chemistry so it does fall a bit flat. Though, I will always be here for an actual LGBT+ love story in a mainstream superhero movie and it feels right that it would be in an X-Men movie. The other "romance" is between 'Berto and Illyana, but it feels very one sided. 'Berto thinks he's having a romantic interlude with Illyana in the pool, but it's just one of Dani's illusions. So, he catches feelings for someone that isn't there and the movie acts like that is normal and it's reciprocated when I don't really think it is.

This isn't the first movie where a group of teenage misfits with seemingly nothing in common are thrown together and become friends. The problem here again is chemistry and running time. There isn't enough space given to make this coming together feel believable. I'm sorry that one game of lie detector truth or dare and the running amok when Reyes is drugged doesn't cut it. I mean, it may have if these actors had any sort of chemistry but they do not. So, the eventual comradeship when they unite to save Dani falls very flat.

I'm a huge "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" fan so I loved the shots of the kids watching the show during their downtime, particularly the classic silent episode "Hush." Then, you finally see The Smiling Men and they are just a rip-off of the Gentlemen from that episode. I get that's the point, but the movie being so unoriginal on the whole makes this reveal very, very lame. The Smiling Men being physical representations of potential sexual trauma that Illyana experienced as a child is not great, particularly since it's so ill-defined.

Nice contacts.

At this point, you might be asking yourself, "Eric, is there anything about this movie that you liked?" And to that I will say, yes, there is one thing. As I mentioned previously, I'm a big Magik fan and I think the visual representation of her powers were super cool and spot on. The Soulsword looks amazing and the glimpses we get of Limbo look perfect. The issue is (and you knew there would be one) is that we don't get really any time in Limbo at all. We see glimpse of it through the portal that Illyana makes. I would have liked at least one extended scene in actual Limbo? Just one. I didn't appreciate the Lockheed puppet for the majority of the film. At least, he was an actual dragon for a short amount of time.

As for the rest of the action scenes, they were pretty lackluster. If you were shit talking the visual effects in "She-Hulk: Attorney at Law," then don't watch this movie. There is one scene where Reyes is trying to suffocate kids with her force fields (man, I hated typing that) and Sam's cast is poking out the top. I'm pretty sure that shouldn't be happening. There are times when the Demon Bear looks cool, and sometimes it looks like a hot mess, primarily the latter. It seems they spent all the VFX money on Illyana's powers and honestly, I'm fine with that.

I could talk a little bit about the plot and "The Demon Bear Saga," but instead I'd like to just urge you to find a copy of the graphic novel and read that. It will be a much better experience than watching this movie. The same goes with the plot regarding the Essex Corporation. It isn't going to go anywhere or continue on into the MCU, so what's the point?

There you have it. The Fox X-Men movie universe ends with a whimper, not a bang. I'm sure no one is surprised. I'm glad we had this time together re-watching this movie. There were like a few good ones. So, that's nice right?

I'd love to hear your thoughts about "The New Mutants" and the Fox X-Men universe as a whole. Let me know in the comments.