"Last Son" Re-Watch: "Action Figures" & "Double Dose"

 Superman The Animated Series

If you're a fan of children front and center, Metallo, Parasite or... sigh... Livewire, then these two episodes were made for you. If you don't really care for any of those things, well, just, don't skip this, just read and enjoy me making the best out of it.

Lois Lane: "Let go of me, you walking waffle iron!"

Metallo: "Now, now. Not in front of the children."

After a year, Metallo rises from the ocean on an island that houses an active volcano. He's lost his memory and is found by children, Sarita and Bobby Felix. Initially, Metallo does a couple of good things. He saves Sarita from a landslide and a tanker truck from going over a cliff. It doesn't take long for his memory to return and he's back to his villainous ways. Can Superman save the children and put a stop to Metallo's menacing for good?

Is this The Iron Giant?

I'm going to be up front with you all. I really disliked this episode. It might be my least favorite episode of the series so far. At first, I thought maybe I was being a little too harsh on it. I watched it initially when I had the beginnings of a migraine. So, I watched it a second time. And you know what? It was still bad. It was still really, really bad. Remember the episode of "Batman: The Animated Series" when Batman was unconscious most of the episode and those little kids had to defend him from Penguin? Remember how awful it is? Well, this episode of "Superman: The Animated Series" is the spiritual sequel to that one. 

Honestly, I kind of had high hopes for this episode when I read the description. I enjoyed Metallo's first appearance and that shot of him walking on the ocean floor is one of the lasting images of the series so far. So, I was hopeful that they could maybe recapture this. But once I saw those two kids, I knew I was absolutely wrong. 

I just don't understand what the point of these children were? To raise the stakes? This is all going down on an island with an active volcano. Weren't the stakes high enough? To somehow humanize Metallo? Well, that works for like 2.5 seconds before he gets his memory back and when the kids do appeal to him he doesn't care about them at all. He's unmoved. They are built-in hostages? Well, Lois shows up and she takes care of that. So, I just don't get the reason why we have to deal with these kids for 20 minutes. They don't add anything to the story. Take them away and everything works out the same way. It feels like the writers were like, we want Metallo to interact with kids and they found whatever awkward way they could to shoehorn that in. Also, these kids are dumb. There is no good way to put it. They are morons. Dumber than kids usually are.

The entire time I was watching this episode all I could figure out was why so many people lived on this volcano island. I get the scientists but why all these other people? There aren't better places to live that are less deadly? And why does this man have his kids here and is leaving them completely unattended. He doesn't care if these kids live or die. He knows that shit could go south at any time and he's like listen for the alarm. And then he's mad when they don't do what he wants. Dude. These kids are your responsibility. I think he wants them to get shanghai'ed by a lava flow or crushed to death by Metallo.

I will say it was pretty cool watching Superman interact with the lava. Like when he was using the boulder to carve a path down the mountain or when the lava washes over him and melts off his anti-Metallo suit. So at least we had those.

Grade: D

Lois Lane: "Inspector, is the S.C.U. really prepared to deal with Livewire?"

Dan Turpin: "If that short circuit shows her mug anywhere in this town, I will personally..."

Livewire: [voice only] "Pucker up and plant a big wet on right on the lips!"

[Livewire shows up in person and kisses Turpin on the lips, causing speakers to blow out one by one]

Livewire is over being in prison. She tricks a janitor who smuggled in his Walkman into letting her use it. She uses that bit of charge from the battery to escape. After she's quickly taken down by Superman, but she's not done yet. She busts Superman's other power sucking villain, Parasite, out of Striker's and the two team up to take down the Man of Steel for good.

I hate it here.

I feel like I have to start this recap by paying respects and saying farewell and R.I.P. to Metropolis S.C.U. Inspector Dan Turpin. He was the partner of Maggie Sawyer and had made quite a few appearances on the show. He was electrocuted to death by Livewire when she shows up at his press conference and makes out with him. Look at the damage that's done. All the speakers are blown out. Lights shatter. There's no way this normal human man could survive something like that. I have to say, pretty ballsy for a kids cartoon to murder someone on screen like that particularly during such a lackluster episode overall. Wait... he's alive? He survived this? He shows up at the end of the episode making lame jokes to Livewire on the stretcher she's strapped on to. You have got to be fucking kidding me. That man is dead. Is he Livewire 2 now or something? No? He's not. We're just acting like he'd be totally fine after all that? That's it, I'm done. I'm out. *slams laptop closed*

OK. I'm back. I'm maybe overreacting a little bit here. I admit it. So, let's just continue. Livewire debuted like four episodes ago and yet she's back, back, back, back again. I don't get it. They were really pushing her. Clearly. But she just doesn't work. How is this woman a threat to Superman? Her biggest is weakness is... water. What is the majority of the planet made up of? Water. Why bring her back? I get that people love Harley Quinn. But Livewire is no Harley Quinn. 

Livewire knows she's up shit creek after Superman almost takes her out within five minutes, so she decides to get a partner. And why not get Parasite? He's a power sucker too. Perfect. Except the only role that Parasite really serves is to be the living embodiment of lack of consent. Seriously. They way he is continuously creeping on Livewire is pretty awful. It is played for laughs for the most part, but you can't deny the rape-y undertones of the whole endeavor. It's something that thankfully wouldn't fly today, but come on. It wasn't OK then. Parasite even says to her, "You've said no for the last time." I honestly cannot with this whole thing. 

Parasite double crosses Livewire. I'll give you a minute or two to pick your jaws up off the floor. I'm sure the shock of that revelation is a lot to handle. Now Parasite has her powers and Superman's because Supes' brilliant plan to cover himself in plastic didn't work. Again, another huge shock. It looks bad for the Man of Steel, somehow, but he outsmarts Parasite and stops him with... water. Yep, water. He gets the sprinklers going and its a wrap. And apparently the electrocution had zero effect on Turpin, but it wipes Parasite's memory so Superman's secret identity is safe.

Seriously. These episodes. Garbage mama. 

Grade: F

Next up, Lois' stalker is back and then she's thrown to an alternate dimension where Luthor and Superman are co-dictators.

We should just forget these episodes even exist. If you want, you can share your feelings in the comments.