Into the DC Murderverse: "Man of Steel"

 "Man of Steel" (2013)

First off, I have to fess up that I didn't come up with the name "DC Murderverse." That was my friend, Mark, so I want to give him credit right up front. I'm not sure if he will ever read this, but if he does, hopefully he's cool with my borrowing this from him.

There had been talk of re-booting the film version of Superman for years. Remember when Tim Burton and Nicolas Cage were going to do a Superman movie loosely based on the death and return of the Man of Steel? Maybe you've watched the documentary and thought, "Man, that would be better than this." You'd be right, but I digress. Warner Bros., Legendary Pictures and DC were into a pitch by Christopher Nolan, the director of the Dark Knight trilogy, and David Goyer, who wrote "Batman Begins." They greenlit the movie and hired Zack Snyder, "director", to make the movie and launch DC's version of the MCU.

Principal photography on "Man of Steel" began in August 2011 and wrapped in February 2012. The film stars Henry Cavill as Clark Kent/Kal-El/Superman, Amy Adams as Lois Lane, Michael Shannon as Zod, Diane Lane as Martha Kent, Laurence Fishburne as Perry White, Kevin Costner as Jonathan Kent and Russell Crowe as Jor-El. The film was written by David S. Goyer based on a story by Goyer and Christopher Nolan. It was directed by Zack Snyder. "Man of Steel" was released on June 14, 2013.

If Cavill was only shirtless the whole time...

Oy vey. So, you know when it has been a long time since you've seen a movie. You know it's bad, but it's been so long that you think to yourself, this can't be as bad as I remember. That is what I thought when I fired up "Man of Steel." And spoiler alert, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, it was worse. 

I watch this movie and I am baffled as to how it got made. It is supremely clear that Zack Snyder has no idea how these characters work, who they are, what makes them tick. It's like he watched Nolan's Batman films, a couple of episodes of "Arrow" and flipped through one Superman comic and figured he had it down. Superman is basically Batman, just an alien and like way powerful, right? And DC was cool with this. That is the thing that shocks me the most. Like, they approved a script that ends with Superman, someone who is pretty devoutly anti-killing, snapping someone's neck. But we are getting ahead of ourselves.

The film begins with an unnecessary and way too long prologue set on Superman's home planet of Krypton. Why even have this? I will give that some of the visuals are cool. Russel Crowe's Jor-El riding that weird creature, seeing the babies in their underwater pods. But like, don't we all know the story of Superman? Even people who aren't into comic books know that little Kal-El was jettisoned off of Krypton by his parents to avoid being killed as it blew up. It's ingrained in the pop culture consciousness. My only guess is that they really wanted Crowe to have more screen time so this is it. It just feels really lazy.

Prepare to die.

As a fan of Superman, I just don't understand this movie and I don't understand it's defenders. This Clark Kent is not reminiscent of any Clark Kent in any medium I've ever seen. So, the reason that Clark and by extension Superman isn't a megalomaniacal villain is because of his upbringing by the salt of the Earth Kent family in Smallville, KS. Well, it's a mystery how he becomes a benevolent hero in "Man of Steel" because when Clark saves a bus full of his classmates after the bus crashes into a river, Jonathan Kent thinks that maybe it would have been a good idea to just let those kids die. Don't try to save them. Just let 'em drown. I mean, those one kids were being real assholes to you, Clark. They kind of deserve it. What the fuck? Then, later on Jonathan allows himself to die in full view of his wife and son, when Clark could have easily saved him without exposing himself or you know, saved the dog in Jonathan's place? It makes no sense.

It's no wonder Clark became a petty vagabond who steals clothes and murders people. Man, Clark impaling that douchebag's semi on the light pole is such a petty move. Peppermint Petty. And again, not Clark at all. Clark could have easily removed that dude without hurting anyone, but instead he ruins the guys truck. That'll show him. I'm sure he'll become a respectful, non ass grabbing diner patron going forward. 

It's really too bad because Henry Cavill looks the part of Clark and Superman. He is just given nothing to do. He is kind of wooden but the script is awful and I can't imagine Snyder's "direction" gave him much. Cavill deserves a sequel to "Man of Steel" not directed by Snyder where he actually gets to be Superman.

We are all screaming, Supes.

Then we have the "action" in "Man of Steel" which is not great. There are some cool visuals but because Superman is fighting other Kryptonians there is a lot of super speed and it doesn't look good. It's really herky jerky and distracting. Also, it's great how Superman just obliterates his hometown. Like, there is zero effort to move the fight away from the town proper and into the miles and miles of open fields that probably surround Smallville. Nope. Supes just fights all through the town, the only thought given to the townspeople is when he yells at them to get off the streets. That doesn't really matter though when he's routinely crashing through their homes and businesses with zero regard for the people who might be inside. I could almost forgive this if the same thing doesn't happen in Metropolis. Again, why is anyone going to trust this guy? And like, I get that this is sort of addressed, haphazardly, in *sigh* "Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice," but it's still really not great.

Then, there was the neck snap heard 'round the world. I don't care what anyone says, there is no excuse for Superman snapping Zod's neck. Superman doesn't kill. It's his whole thing. I don't care that he'd only been a hero for a few days and that he just learned to fly (which we aren't going to mention.) It's like in his DNA that he won't kill. And if he does, he would agonize over it for a long time. He wouldn't be over it and flirting with Lois the next week. No. Just no. There's no defense for it and I won't hear it. Even if this movie wasn't a colossal train wreck from beginning to end, these last few moments would undo any good will it had earned.

The less said about the rest of the cast the better. Michael Shannon is a great actor, but Zod is a thankless role. Russell Crowe took the fact that he was going to be a hologram for most of the movie a little too literally. I'm not sure who Laurence Fishburne is playing but it's not Perry White. Diane Lane is just kind of there. I love Amy Adams and I was thrilled when they cast her as Lois, but this Lois Lane is a mess. How she won a Pulitzer is beyond me. I am happy that she deduces Clark's identity pretty easily, but it isn't that difficult since he's not trying to hide what he's doing at all and she screams his name at the top of her lungs all around his hometown when he's fighting as Superman.

I have to stop. This movie is a mess. It's too dark, literally and figuratively. Snyder is a fucking joke. The best part is Hans Zimmer's score.

Next, I guess we will watch the Extended, Unrated cut of "Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice." Pray for me.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. If you like this movie, please tell me why. I'm sure it won't change my mind but I'd love to hear in the comments. If you want to pile on, feel free to do that in the comments, as well.