The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 1: "The B Is Back"
You can fanboy/girl/person over anything really. It doesn't need to be nerd related. One of the things that I fanboy over pretty hard, are the various Bravo Housewives franchises. My favorite is far and away the New York brood. To celebrate this weeks premiere, I've gotten out my statement necklaces, I have a Ramona Pinot in one hand, a Skinnygirl margarita in the other, my well read copy of "Widow's Guide" and I may or may not be sporting a stylish blouse from The Countess Collection.
The big news in regards to this premiere is that original Housewife, Bethenny Frankel, has returned. Bethenny was a cast member for the first three seasons before exiting for her own successful spin off. Bethenny, maybe more than any other Housewife, has leveraged her exposure on the reality series to really become successful. Bethenny became a multi millionaire when she sold her Skinnygirl brand and landed on the cover of Forbes. Things have been not great for Bethenny these past few years, well as not great as they can get for a multi millionaire. She and her husband, Jason Hoppy, are going through a messy divorce and custody battle over daughter, Brynn. Her talk show failed after less than one season. It's easy to see Bethenny's return as someone who has failed returning to where she first found success with her tail between her legs, but can someone as rich as Bethenny really be considered a failure? Will her return to RHONY get her back on top? Let's check back in with Bethenny and the rest of the ladies.
The premiere was basically all Bethenny, all the time. The other women got the short end of the stick and it will be interesting to see how the show juggles 8(!) regular Housewives. Bethenny spent the majority of the episode re-introducing herself. It was kind of an odd juxtaposition. In one scene, Bethenny is bemoaning being "the wealthiest homeless person in Manhattan" and in the next she is talking about grinding on Jamie Foxx in an Oscar de la Renta gown the night before the designer died. Also, let's be real, Bethenny is not homeless. She has purchased a new apartment that just needs to be renovated, a home in the Hamptons, and technically, an apartment in Tribeca that her estranged husband is living in. And who complains about living in a presidential suite, while their dog drinks Fiji water. Just one you start to lose any sympathy for Bethenny, she pulls you back in.
The more Bethenny reveals about her current situation the more you realize that she wants her home back. She wants the home back that she worked her ass off to buy and remodel. When she breaks down with Frederik (corporate synergy alert!) in the backseat of the car about not having a real home or not being able to have another child, she had me back. Not to mention some of the funniest moments of the episode are thanks to Bethenny, from joking about getting caught fucking farm animals in Times Square to interrogating the other broker about his various fetishes, Bethenny demonstrated that her wit is still as sharp as ever and she still knows her way around a one liner.
The only interaction Bethenny had with the other ladies was when Luann showed up at her hotel suite to reconnect and invite her to a housewarming party for her new house in the Hamptons. Bethenny accepted the invite, but you can tell that she is a little nervous to reconnect with the women, especially Ramona.
Speaking of the original Crazy Eyes, the premiere answered an age old question. What happens when two pretentious, borderline sociopaths meet for lunch to discuss one's recent divorce. Ramona and Sonja haven't seen each other since Ramona separated from the lecherous, horrible Mario. It starts out fine, but eventually devolves into a game of who has it worse one upsmanship. It got to a point where I'm not sure either woman was really listening to each other as they tried to figure out who had been together longer and therefore which divorce was worse. Kudos to Ramona to figure out that she is fighting a losing battle and allows Sonja to blather on about how the other women are so mean to her and how Ramona needs to stick up for her if they come after her in the Hamptons. Sonja will have a script in hand for Ramona to follow before they head to Lu's.
Luckily, Ramona finds the support she is looking for in new Housewife, Dorinda Medley. Ramona and Dorinda are great friends but Ramona has never been to Dorinda's apartment before? How good of a friend could she be? Seriously. Dorinda has gone through a divorce and her second husband died, so Ramona feels like Dorinda gets her. I don't know if I get Dorinda though. It's like she stumbled into the wrong franchise. With her East Coast accent, Joe Giudice doppleganger boyfriend and terrible daughter, Dorinda seems like a better fit to be flipping tables in New Jersey. We'll see how things shake out as the season progresses.
All the ladies are concerned about the Lady Morgan, who apparently made a fool of herself at a performance by Molly Ringwald. Let's unpack that statement for a minute. Molly Ringwald is performing... something and it's Sonja that makes a fool out of herself. Chew on that. Sonja's house is still crawling with interns who are feeding Sonja what's current in pop culture. Does anyone really believe that Sonja watches "Game of Thrones?" The other intern is begging to use computer 3. I assume computer three is the only one that still has the keys on the keyboard. The other ones are missing the Z or the shift key. Who needs those? Sonja also laments how we peons don't understand how lawsuits work. Um... Sonja if you are paying the person who is suing you the entire amount they are asking for then you've lost. I'm no lawyer, but I know that much. The less said about the return of the facialist the better.
We only get brief check ins with the rest of the women this episode. Carole is still fabulous. Living her fabulous life. Swiping on Tinder. Sure, she's missing deadlines, but Carole is so charming even her hard nosed editor can't stay mad at her. Now that Josh and Kristen are getting along, she is desperately looking for a storyline. Hopefully she does or this could be her last season. Was Heather even in this episode? Based on my notes the only thing she really did was comment on the Sonja situation and demonstrate that she didn't know how hashtags work.
So, there we have it. The B is back. Were you happy with Bethenny's return? Do you think 8 Housewives are too many? Sound off in the comments.
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